November is coming to an end.

I’m not going to complain about that. My apologies to November but quite honestly, it’s my least favorite month. Everything becomes so dark, rainy and cold. In this case, it’s not just the weather, but my mood.

In my last post, I touched on my struggles with depression and made some confessions on how it is currently a beast I need to fight on a daily basis. This feeling naturally (and sadly) extends into the Christmas season.

I’m feeling rather grinchy.

No, not in the sense I am about to rob everyone of their joy and merriment. I would never do that.

I am personally struggling with finding my own Christmas Spirit.img_2239

In October, I actually had way too much Christmas spirit, brought on by a trip to this lovely town in Michigan we love to visit called Frankenmuth. It has this massive Christmas store called “Bronner’s CHRISTmas Wonderland”. I have loved to visit ever since I started traveling there as a teenager. My children love it. We love to wander through the store shopping for small gifts for family and unique items to bring into our home. I was happily singing Christmas carols before Halloween and couldn’t wait to start decorating for the season.


Of course we held off until recently. I decorate the house in stages, starting with slowly bringing out the ‘winter’ decor, before making that transition to Christmas.

This past week alone, my husband put the lights on the house and I happily created the Christmas display my children had requested. That was a good day.img_2669

It’s like we have barely begun and I feel robbed of all joy.

Christmas seems like such a chore this year.

Whatever spirit I had in October, only comes now in these brief fleeting moments.

I realized this morning that I am counting down the days to the Christmas vacation, but not because I am excited for the festivities. No, I am just looking forward to being able to sleep in and not have to get the kids off to school. I’m exhausted thinking about shopping for gifts, baking those Christmas treats and the thought of our family trip to the tree farm is actually stressing me out.

The boxes of cards for family and friends sit on my table, untouched with an uncompleted list of names next to them. I hope to fill them out. I want to. I love receiving cards, I love sending cards.

I was to go out shopping for Christmas today, but my youngest is home sick from school. I was relieved that I could hold it off another day.

I don’t know if anyone else is reading this and feels the same way, but if so, I want you to join me.

I’m going to make a list.

I’m going to check it twice.

I’m going to not be naughty (darn it) but nice.

Every day this week I am going to attempt to do something to find my Christmas Spirit.

Write my cards and mail them.

Decorate some more.

Shop for gifts, including donations to make to a local toy drive.

I will listen to Christmas music.

I will plan a trip to the tree farm.

I am going to find my freakin’ Christmas Spirit even if I have to drive back to that store in Michigan.

It’s in me somewhere.