Depression likes to bring out the worst in us.
The stigma of ‘you’re just sad’ needs to be erased. It needs to be completely eradicated from the topic of mental health. I want to absolutely destroy that saying in relation to depression.
When you have constant negative thoughts echoing through your mind, this isn’t just sadness. I’m not ‘sad’. I can seem like I am from time to time, but what I am is worn out. I am completely exhausted from the bombardment of all the negative that consumes my mind.
I am not good enough.
I am not smart enough.
I am not beautiful enough.
You’re a bitch.
I hate you.
No one cares.
Suck it up.
These aren’t things just said to me over the years by obnoxious people. Truth be told, while the odd insult directed at me has reached it’s mark, I’m actually pretty thick skinned. The reason I’m tough is simple. Those comments above, those ones echoing through my mind are from me. They are my thoughts. I am quite simply my own worst enemy. There is nothing anyone can say to me that I probably haven’t thought myself.
While it’s nice to think these personal demons can be erased with sunshine, flowers and rainbow thoughts, this isn’t how it works. Depression can’t be erased by ‘thinking positive’. I have actually lost friendships over this. Not that I am crying about that. A real friend is someone who knows all about you and likes you anyway.
If they need to walk away from me because I can’t control my depression the way they want me to, that’s not on me.
That said, I do believe some positive reminders can help a bit. For every bad thought that goes through my mind, I try very hard to counter it with a positive thought about myself. Some days I am stronger then others. Other days I need to rely on paying attention to those around me. I see how much my kids love me and look up to me and that helps me immensely. Other days, the demons win and I just ‘can’t’. Those are the worst days.
The positive reminders sometimes work and sometimes they don’t.
You never know what day you are going to get until it happens.
You never know how you are going to react to these thoughts and feelings until they show up.
Every single day is different.
No, depression isn’t just about sadness.
Depression is being consumed by negative.
It’s your body not cooperating with your mind.
It’s your mind eating away at your soul.
It’s often far too lonely and it is certainly brushed off far too easily by those who don’t believe in it.
This is why so many people chose to end their lives. They can’t deal and they think no one understands them.
That has to stop.
Please if you are reading this and you are suffering, I understand you. You are not alone. Fight it. Please seek help.
If you are reading this and you scoff at mental illness, I implore you not to. Please PLEASE understand this is not an easy struggle, and it’s not something to ignore. Lives are actually at stake and we need to stop this. Think before you speak negatively or brush off someone who’s suffering.
That old saying ‘Be kind. You never know what battles people are going through’ is true.
Let’s continue to erase each and every stigma that surrounds Mental Illness.