While I was away, I was in a social media black out. One week in Cuba meant very little internet access and the little we used was to ‘try’ to get in touch with our kids.

Despite my addictions, I actually recommend it. There is something relaxing about being completely out of touch and unplugged. (Even if the thought of it makes you Tremble!)

It’s a bad habit of mine to Tweet and Facebook my random thoughts, stories, things I see/hear; so if you are like me, know that when you are on vacation and have that itch- carrying a notebook works. (Just write it out old school!)

I didn’t really know what I was going to do with the notebook but now that I am home, I thought it would make for a fun blog post!

Here’s my vacation condensed into random nonsense and a few pictures.

You’re welcome.

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Ran through an airport because my vacation literally depended on it. A weeks worth of cardio in a mad dash across Pearson’s Terminal One. Arrived at our connecting flight with 10 minutes to spare. I didn’t die and I would like to apologize to anyone I may have knocked into. I would also like to thank my Elliptical Machine. You are the reason I made that flight on time! I dedicate my Welcome To The Resort drink to you.

*Laying by the pool in my bright pink, vintage inspired suit. I’m curvy and cute. Deal with it!

**Just watched a bird hunt, kill and eat a small lizard. I will never be the same again- neither will the lizard.

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This was not the lizard-This one is still alive. I hope.

Relaxing on the couch in my room-eating some Pringles when some guy on the next balcony peers over the privacy wall and stares right at me. We make eye contact. He vanished. He looked like Pitbull. Wait. Is Pitbull stalking me in Cuba? OR is this an alternate reality and I am actually starring in a Pringles commercial with Pitbull……

The Super Bowl IS approaching…..

What’s in these Pringles?

On the beach, dude behind me says “Is that an island? It looks like an island”

I’ll let you decide:

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It’s like the Blue Dress/Gold Dress all over again.

The island guy saw his wife going through her beach bag and says excitedly “Ooooooh are those nail clippers?” I really hope he isn’t busting them out to use…..

I refuse to look.

I refuse to look.

I looked.

He was just drinking.

Phew!

*Same guy: “Is that a boat or a buoy? I think it’s a buoy because boats move”

**Group of people just mispronounced ‘Poutine’ while singing the praises of our beloved Canadian food…. That’s it. I just can’t eavesdrop anymore. Now I want Poutine. Pass me my iPod, it’s time for Britney Bitch.

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I feel like doing cartwheels on the beach. I won’t. But the thought is there.

Me: “Ooooh. I want to play beach volleyball. I used to be good. It’s been 15 + years since I have tried-I bet I still have it!”

Hubby: “You have a bad ankle and bruise like a peach. NO Volleyball for you!”

Bet you didn’t know that you could actually do a dance combo where Ballet/Hip Hop/Jazz and Stomp meet the Super Mario Brothers theme song? Well it’s possible and it was AH-MAY-zing. Also, it was the dancers in a performance-Not me. Though I totally wanted to channel my inner Kimmy Gibbler and join in as they danced……

Do I follow Anderson Cooper on Twitter? I should.

I’m pretty sure I just watched Putin striking sexy poses in the water. I was waiting for Alec Baldwin to stroll along, jump in and photo bomb. It was an SNL sketch come to life! “Live from Varadero its Saturday Night!” (Actually it’s Friday around 3pm)

You know what doesn’t mix? Chocolate Pina Coladas, Piano Bar Karaoke and ‘My Heart Will Go On’ by Celine Dion. Trust me.

I am not sure how one minute I was looking at the song selection list & ended up with a microphone singing Celine….but I am fairly confident that it will never happen again.

This lady in the Piano Bar took an instant dislike to me. Probably because I sang her song. Or she’s just mean. Whatever. My heart will go on and on…..without her approval.

True Love is when your husband sees that the buffet finally has french fries, so he loads his plate up and brings them to yours before running back for his dinner.

Marriage is noticing that he forgot the ketchup.

Why pay for an exfoliating body scrub at the spa-when at the beach, with a little sunscreen and a little sand-you can have the same effect for free? (I just saved you some money-you’re welcome)

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(All Photos were taken by me)

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