Breathe in.

Breathe out.

That mantra repeats in my head.

A heaviness consumes my chest.

The lump in my throat is hard to swallow.

Sniff.

I’m a mess.

I’m a mess.

My eyes burn as I hold back tears.

I bite the insides of my cheeks,

And stare up at the colorful flags hanging off the ceiling.

Yellow.

Green.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Keep this up for several counts.

I try not to sigh too loud.

I don’t want to attract attention.

I don’t want anyone to see me cry.

They may ask me questions.

They may ask me why.

I don’t know.

I don’t know.

I feel like my emotions are going to explode.

But not while I’m in public.

This can’t happen until I’m alone.

I just need to get through this and make it home.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

My motions are set to autopilot.

My smile is completely fake.

My eyes hurt from no release.

I have pain from biting my cheeks.

But I bet you didn’t know.

Didn’t know how I felt at all.

Not at all.

No.

Not at all.

-Written by Irene ©TheyOnceCalledHerPumpkin

Advertisements