Last night was a crazy night of stress dreams.

The kind where I was actually having a dream, within a dream, within a dream and when I finally woke up this morning to the sun shining down on me, I was thankful that I was out of that twisted, dark, subconscious mess.

My body hurt.

My body always seems to hurt lately- some of that is because of my surgery/setons but lately there is more pain, more tension.

For someone who slept all night (for once) I woke feeling like I had ran a marathon. My feet are aching, my back sore, my shoulders stiff…..

I’ve been under a lot of stress lately and it is physically taking its toll. The last few days my eye is constantly twitching and jumping. I have a history of that happening when I reach that point in my exhaustion where I am screaming for a vacation. I know from the past, that it will eventually settle down when I relax.

Oh how I wish I could take a vacation. A long, relaxing vacation…

I will be off for a few days away this weekend- but I am a bit apprehensive about it. I am nervous these stupid setons in my butt and how the six hour drive will take it’s toll on my body from sitting for so long. Not to mention I am already nervous about driving into unfamiliar territory. The only thing that is keeping me from canceling the trip is that my girls really want more time with their daddy- and I really miss my husband. I made a promise and I don’t want to break it.

All that said, the act of going away is actually stressing me out and making things worse, yet all I really want is to just get away for a few days and recharge!

I don’t want to say my depression is on a decline again, I have actually been pretty stable the past couple of months. I do know my anxiety is bad- but it is not as bad as it was over the winter. I don’t like to blame my depression for every little thing that goes wrong. I know that mentally, while exhausted, I have been much worse off in the past- and the truth is I am just shouldering a lot right now. (Those who follow my blog know a bit of what it is up) I don’t actually feel ‘depressed’ if you want to be honest- I just feel ‘worn out’ from everything that seems to be piling up at my feet.

My mind knows these things can’t be helped.

However my body is saying “OUCH- You’re done!”

After this weekend- I need to give my head a shake and focus on self preservation and self care. I am going to call my therapist and get back into sessions. I am going to force myself to focus more on yoga to combat stress -as I have been slacking in that area (Ironically, I have been avoiding it because my body has been so sore) I am going to call my massage therapist and treat myself to a massage (or five). I am going to get back to my painting and of course- my writing- which I have had to put on hold again this week. (If you’ve noticed from the lack of blogs as of late) 

I need to focus on positives, not the negatives. (Which by the way- can also be exhausting for a chronic over-thinker)

I am sure many of you can relate to my post today.

We all reach that point where our eyes twitch, our shoulders hurt and we sit back and think “If I don’t catch a break soon-I am going to lose it”. Sometimes we feel like our life is a grand farce- We give the illusion of being Pinterest perfect on the outside for all to see, but a raging mess of stress and anxiety inside.

I know that there are people out there in my shoes who also need the reminder that when this happens, and things start weighing us down- start prioritizing and when you do- Make sure that you put self care in the number one spot.

I’m a mom- my kids mean everything to me and in order for me to take care of them- I need to constantly remind myself to put myself first from time to time. That doesn’t mean I ignore their needs, nope- those come first, however you can do the following:

Read a book, write, create something, take a walk, get a massage, ignore social media, order take out, forget about the housework, go out to a movie or with friends– whether it is just for an hour or two or maybe just a day- Do something that will help you recharge and hopefully relax.

Always remember that there are things that will happen in life that you just can’t control- Focus on what you do have power over.

You will thank yourself for it in the end.


Post ‘loosely’ Inspired by Today’s Word Prompt: Farce

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