I love to write.

I love to put my thoughts and ideas on paper. I love to create stories, characters, worlds and use my imagination. It is therapeutic to be able to take the constant mess of miscellaneous thoughts bouncing around my brain and put them in a notebook, a word file or even here on my blog and turn them into something… especially if it means that it is no longer taking up rent in my head.

I find that when I write, I am more articulate. I can say exactly what I mean without too much trouble.

In person?

Perhaps not so much and it certainly depends on the topic…

Why?

I find my brain works too fast.

This bodes well for me when I read. I read exceptionally fast and can polish off a novel in no time at all. Sometimes several novels a day…

Some people speak without thinking… I can do that too… but this is different… This is thinking so much and so fast that your mouth can’t keep up.

At times when I speak, I have this nasty habit of not finishing my sentences. This is a problem that many… many people have pointed out to me on multiple occasions. I find that I will start a sentence, and in my head -I have completed it and mentally moved onto the next thought… but in person I have only said half of what I was going to say.

My family and friends are quick to nudge me a long and say ‘ummm… you didn’t finish what you were saying…’

Whoops!

(What can I say? It is one of my many….many…. quirks…)

It isn’t that I am not paying attention! It is the fact that I actually thought I finished what I said!

My husband and kids find this incredibly frustrating and it makes me cringe every single time it happens. They aren’t the only ones who are frustrated. I am too! I have heard that this is something that is quite common among over thinkers (though some of you may want to let me know if this is your experience) .. and it isn’t just me.

I am sure many people can somewhat relate to this… every single one of us at some point has reached that inevitable point where we wander off into la la land or put our foot in our mouth… but what I am talking about is a daily occurrence of my brain going too fast for my mouth to keep up.

I have been doing this for a long time.

It is one of the reasons I don’t like public speaking. I have a lot of things to say- but put me in front of a crowd -a crowd who are focusing their attention on me- and have me open my mouth? That is just asking for trouble! I get flustered and it has happened where I am reading or giving a speech, trying to make eye contact with the audience, when suddenly my brain tells me that I have completely what I have said and I stop one thought and go off on the next… (when my mouth has not yet caught up to what I was saying in the first place…) 

(Lucky for me I happen to have innocent looking blue eyes and a cheesy smile…) 

Needless to say I haven’t bothered too much since with any type of public speaking since my Wedding (Which by the way was a complete disaster as I forgot to bring my carefully written speech with me to the venue!!!)

My husband always says:

“BUT you used to act!! You never have any trouble getting up in front of audiences to perform!!”

He’s right.

I can memorize a monologue, a scene, a dance and a song – put myself in front of people and perform without nerves or much thought.

The key words in that sentence…

“Much Thought”

Here is the deal, at least from my perspective:

I love performing. It is part of the creative arts, right along side my beloved writing. Performing used to be a passion of mine that has fallen to the wayside as I have aged.

The key to performing is becoming ‘someone else’… Those aren’t my thoughts being expressed to the audience. I am simply a character. The only thoughts of mine involved are the ones about nailing the scene, expressing my lines, controlling my face and movement while hitting my marks. The rest of my brain is quiet and focused.

I once loved to throw myself into a role, become someone else, channel a different persona and bring it to life. The words in a script or song are written by others. As a performer, I am simply bringing it to life and I have the confidence to know that I can! (well…you know… except for that horrific Celine Dion performance of mine, that I continuously reference in my posts…. talk about cringe-worthy! Celine I am not…) 

The stage is a mainly controlled environment with a precise plan on how to execute. That is what directors are for! If I mess up- they tell me and I keep practicing until I get it right.

Real life?

Not so much.

Clearly, I am not being directed in the real world. I have no script, I often say things without thinking. I crack awful jokes that fall flat or are said to the wrong person who doesn’t have quite the same raunchy humor that I do. I lose myself in my thoughts or get so excited to give my opinion or comment that my brain goes into overload and I start verbally malfunctioning.

(Ugh….It is the worst feeling ever when you space out or get far too excited and embarrass yourself…and just say something that either shouldn’t have been said or not completing the thought of something you are saying…)

So yes…

I love writing.

I can get this nonsense out of my head and try to make sense of it. I can take my time and grow my words. Enhance my ideas. Edit my work.

In real life?

Hehehe… Yeah….

I only wish I came with an edit button and a filter so I would quit forgetting to finish my thoughts and stop sticking my foot in my mouth…

Then again, if I had those controls- Perhaps life would be a little less exciting…

No?


Post Inspired by Daily Word Prompt: Cringe

Authors Note: I hope this post made sense. 

Questions:

Do you overthink to the point you lose track of what you were saying? Can you relate? How do you verbally malfunction? – Let me know in the comments!

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