I woke up this morning with the sun rising (Thank you Daylight Savings!) – I pulled the curtains back to reveal frost glittering on rooftops, brightly colored trees….the hint of winter in the air…

And damn if my muscles weren’t screaming at me as I took in the sunny autumn morning!

Yesterday I started a new workout program- the 21 Day Fix by Beachbody.

It’s time for me to step up my game. 

I have been easing back into fitness by doing Zumba routines (Who doesn’t love a little Dancing daily?) and hitting my Elliptical machine… but I was determined to try a new Beachbody program and thought 21 Day Fix would be a good place to start.



MOTHER !@#$%^&*

This program is not playing around!

I hate to say this- but my ego took a beating yesterday when four minutes into ‘Total Body Cardio’ (The first video in the series) when I realized that I would have modify everything.

Fifteen minutes into the video- I was crying and whining that I was too out of shape for this.

At the twenty minute mark- I was like- Meh… At least I am moving… (Every little bit of activity helps right?)

When the workout was complete at thirty minutes- I was like “Okay- that wasn’t SO bad… I may have modified everything and had to take extra breaks…but I did it!”

I walked on jello legs up to my kitchen where I made myself a shake and celebrated one workout down already looking forward to Day 2 (Upper Body)

I won’t lie to you…

When I work out- in that moment- especially at the start….I hate myself.

(Hey- I am being honest!)

I hate myself for having let myself go.

I hate myself for feeling my age.

I hate myself for the sugar addiction that took over me this past year.

I hate myself for having to start over… AGAIN.

I’m not going to give you false platitudes and tell you that it is easy. I am not even going to give you the ‘love yourself’ speech- because you know what? Sometimes we don’t love ourselves in certain moments and that is okay!! It is NORMAL. The important thing is recognizing and working toward changing that attitude… and sometimes cursing your way through a workout helps. (At least for me!)

I may not ‘love’ myself at the start of a workout- but I sure admire the hell out of myself for finishing one!

Changing a routine and getting back into shape is hard. I find it is even harder now then it was when I did this after having my last child… but I was successful then- and I know that with a lot of hard work and dedication I will be successful again.

I may whine, bitch and want to throw things.

I may have my moments where I want to quit and give up… and maybe a day here and there I don’t end up following through for whatever reason… but getting back into shape is never easy so it is important to push through it.

I may curse like a sailor and hurt as my muscles readjust to being used like that… but that pain will eventually go away. I know that because I have been down this road before.

My first intense work out after being out of shape for so long was enough to make me want to cry and throw things for many reasons…

It’s okay to feel that way- especially if you are just starting out or trying something new.

An hour or so after that first work out.. while I was still feeling the effects- I had energy and felt better.

I had accomplished something.

I had a bounce in my step (You know.. once that jello leg feeling wore off…) 

Those things I listed above where I ‘hate’ myself… it starts turning around. I forgive myself…I can’t help my age. I couldn’t help being sick this year. I beat the sugar addiction recently. I’m proud of myself for starting over.

Today I woke up excited that I was going to try Upper Body! Even with my obliques on fire, my thighs burning with every step and my shoulders saying “WHAT THE EFF?” I am looking forward to what comes next…

Because at the end of all this- I hope their is a healthier me, a stronger me and that eventually I will be able to post a ‘before’ and ‘after’ photo that shows what I accomplished.

For now?

There will be no photos- just hard work, sweat, new workouts, possibly some tantrums and excessive use of the word “Fuck!!”

I have goals…. Like having more energy, sculpted arms, flatter stomach, fitting back into my clothes and eating an apple fritter without feeling guilty…

Can you relate?

(Note:  I just completed Upper Body and WOW! I was able to do so much more of it today without needing extra breaks or swearing! I really enjoyed the circle crunches and weights! I thought I would let you know before I hit ‘publish’ that Day 2 wasn’t so bad… I only swore a few times…Mainly walking up the stairs afterwards….Dude… I hurt….My muscles are AWAKE!)