You know those times, the ones late at night when your mind starts to wander- and you begin to remember bits and pieces of the past? Those things that you would rather forget start flashing through your head- and no matter how much you try- it starts to grate on your nerves and you have to let it out?
This piece that I am about to share was written in a moment like that.
It is a series of events- summed up in one angry piece… not so much in relation to any one person in particular- just a culmination of anger brought on by different situations and moments (made to sound like one person for the sake of creativity)– for I have known several throughout my life who have sparked this kind of anger in me. I have dealt with verbal and emotional abuse (starting when I was a child) – I have dealt with people who don’t like me (for various reasons… some of them warranted) -I have dealt with bullies (at times even been the bully because of unresolved anger issues) It made me lash out- act a certain way… it wasn’t until I had my first child that I really made an effort to control my anger and no longer allow people to get to me.
The moral of this entire summary is that when something festers- don’t let the anger do anything to you but spark a fuel to create.
Not a writer? If you are angry at someone- write it out then tear up the letter… Never send it.
Are you a writer? Let it out. Tell a story, a poem… let the anger fuel you creatively.
Let it out privately… but than let it go and let God (Or whatever deity, non-deity, universe… enter your selection here) deal with it.
Angry thoughts don’t always need to be said aloud… because chances are you will come to regret it.
(Take it from one who knows from a great amount of personal experience)
Anger is completely natural- it is how you deal with it that will end up defining you.
I now share with you the piece that I wrote – I had entered it into a writing competition last year (alas- it didn’t place) but that is okay as I can share it with you now.
The Battle of Words Unspoken
The page stays blank,
The screen looks so dull,
No thoughts are forming,
No good ones at all.
I have so much to say,
So much to write,
So much anger, frustration and spite.
Every word you aimed at me-
Hit with the impact you intended.
Not a chance this relationship can be mended!
Cruel words from your lips-
Spoke with no real reason I see.
You think you are someone I need to admire,
That I need to listen to, emulate or strive to be.
Your actions have taught that you mean nothing to me!
That ‘tough love’ approach had no love in it at all,
Your reasoning enforces that your mind is so small!
I know exactly what kind of human you are…
I still try to understand you-
When you don’t deserve it.
That’s the word.
It describes you the best.
For all that you do is cause pain in my chest!
Your words are absorbed like the poison they are,
Your dart hit the mark-
There’s no hope at all.
So why do I try?
Give you benefit of the doubt?
Isn’t that what adults do?
Move past- sort it out?
No way- Not today
Not for the rest of my life.
You’ve had it your way-
It’s caused nothing but strife.
You think life’s a game –
And you’re master of it
I hate to break it to you-
You’re so full of shit!
I reject your ideas, your control and your ways!
I would never want to be like you-
Never will be like you.
Listen to what I say!
I am my own person
Not some toy of yours.
I’m not someone you can put down when you’re bored.
I will not be your scapegoat,
You’ve done enough damage-
It’s about time that you’ve gone.
Go away with your poison
Go away with your toxic.
Away with your animosity.
If you don’t like me that much-
Let me be!
I could rise to your level,
I could play your cheap game,
I could tear you apart-
You’re the one I could blame.
The student became the master-
That’s how it’d turn out-
I’ve learned from the best-
How to put down and shout!
That’s what you wanted no?
I won’t do it.
I will never be like you.
Never want to be like you.
It’s time you figured that out!
I control my own life.
Take your poison and go.
Find a new target
Grow a heart-
I don’t know!
Away from me now-
And don’t ever look back.
You’ve beaten me up
I don’t want to fight back.
There’s good in me yet
I won’t cave to your way-
Won’t thank you for anything-
Not even for abuse that made me stronger today.
Your darkness is a momentary thing in my life.
A day or two and it’s gone-
I know that you’ll never admit you’ve been wrong.
Hold up that mirror,
Hold it high-
Take a look!
-by IreneD ©TheyOnceCalledHerPumpkin