It wasn’t that long ago that I posted the blog: Now Leaving The Comfort Zone but as of today… I now have an update to that blog.
I’m going to rewind for a moment though and walk you through my day today…
I haven’t been sleeping well this past week.
It has been an incredibly stressful week, full of specialist appointments and other things… and my insomnia has been back in full swing.
I’m grumpy, I’m irritable and I make the Grinch look like a blasted saint.
(I’m tired ‘A.F’)
Last night, I was so exhausted from my lack of sleep, that I went to bed early… and of course, going to bed at 9 p.m. meant that Winston Romeo (my mini schnauzer pup) was not a happy camper. For the first time in a year, he actually started howling and barking in his crate… which is completely out of character for him.
He usually goes down without a fuss.
Winnie made noise on and off until past 10 p.m. My teen eventually hung out with him- he just wanted to play.
(Of all the nights that I needed to sleep, he chose to act like a newborn)
Luckily he eventually quieted…
I tossed and turned all night, of course my husband couldn’t sleep either… which led to him leaving for work at 4:30am… (ultimately waking me up for good…ugh…) It was like the sleep fairy completely avoided our house this week.
I can’t function very well on broken sleep.
I have a life to lead though, so after my youngest went off to school- I downed a couple cups of coffee and continued about my day… only to get called out by my favorite cashier at the local grocery store:
“WHOA! You look like you do not want to be here! I am used to you being so animated and friendly… you’re scaring me…” She declared.
I knew I was in a bad mood… but I didn’t realize it was so apparent on my face…
Yes, I admit..I was in a terrible mood.
This whole week was wearing hard on me and my only goals of the day were:
Make a meatloaf.
Go to bed.
But then- it happened…
After the kids were both home from school, and dinner was in the oven, I sat down and opened my email…
I looked down, gasped…than I began to cry.
“Congratulations and Welcome” – was the subject heading.
The sender was the registrars office.
I have been accepted into the College Program that I applied for!!!!!!!
I was surprised.
I didn’t expect to hear back from them so soon, let alone today of all days, when my tank is running on empty and my mood was low.
In the span of a second, my day… heck… my WEEK did a complete one-eighty!
I am SO ecstatic that I have been accepted into the college program that my face actually hurts from smiling.
I have gone through so much in the past few years, it is honestly so overwhelming to know that I can put so much of the negative behind me and continue on to forge a new path and create a future that ‘I’ have wanted.
I can’t begin to express how happy this makes me… but I also want this to be eye opening for anyone else who suffers from mental health and chronic health problems:
We each walk different paths, our stories may be similar, our outcomes may be different but I want you to know that it is SO important to keep going… to persevere, even when things get so tough that the future looks bleak… let alone blank…
…PLEASE KEEP GOING!
A year ago- I couldn’t see the future.
I thought that the world would be better off without me…which is a thought that I have had several times throughout my life… I fought so hard to keep my head above water… but I kept going- and in one year, the outcome has me here… looking at a college acceptance letter in awe.
I didn’t think they’d accept me, after all… it was ‘me’ and my moldy ol’ 90’s transcripts… however, they WERE good enough… and I got in.
(I didn’t need to write the entrance exam that the person in admissions warned me that I may need… talk about a load off my plate!)
If anything, this experience has taught me that I need to be kinder to myself.
(Sometimes it is easier to be negative than positive… so disappointment can be taken easier and acceptance can be celebrated accordingly)
I am so proud that I will be going back to school at my age (A ripe ol’ 40 as the school year begins in September) but I am even more proud of myself because I kept going, and took steps outside of my ‘comfort zone’.
I took a risk that I didn’t think I was good enough to take…
I feel ‘in control’ of my future for once and that feels good.
So that is it- that is my update.
I’m going to college!!!
Take from this post what you will- but I hope that it reaches someone who needs the message:
NEVER give up!
Take a chance.
If you have a bad day… let alone a bad week… remember you never know what is around the corner waiting for you…
Just be determined to take a chance on yourself.
You’re worth it!