It feels like this summer has flown by and I am still nowhere near as organized as I would like to be.

I thought that I would use the summer to get my shit together, become more organized, get the house back up to my standards, do more activities with the kids, learn to be a morning person… blah blah blah…

I have just over two weeks left until the kids go back to school and I am still a hot mess.

My yoga lifestyle lasted a few weeks- until indigestion wouldn’t let me do downward facing dog without wanting to throw up. (It burned… it burned…..) That is what several weeks of restaurant food will do to you.

My writing was put on the back-burner- Oh sure I have tried to write pieces when I can, but the avid readers of my blog will notice that my I went from a regular poster with blogs several times a week- to one every one once in awhile.

My insomnia started up again (or did it really ever stop?)– so this idea that I could somehow attempt a better daily routine and ‘become’ a morning person quickly lost its appeal. I am currently sitting here, my coffee cup almost empty, finally able to type… when for the first 45 minutes of being awake was spent in a trance- one where I could only mumble:

“Coffee….More coffee…..”

My house is driving me up the wall. I am still frustrated with this counter top nightmare and having to put my renovation plans on hold while the company moves to fix their mistake. This was the weekend the bulk of the work was to be completed, leaving me with just one more thing on that to-do list: Hire Painters.

Now it has been delayed. I want order restored to this house. I really should take my frustration out by using my new steam mop and dancing around to Despacito.

My health is shit. I won’t say much right now- know that my doctor is on it and she is trying to involve my surgeon so they can move quickly to figure things out. We don’t know if things are related to the fistula correction or not. I am in good hands and trying not to stress over the unknown. It isn’t easy. I run out of steam very quickly- which is hard. I had a salon appointment yesterday that I almost cancelled after a very rough week. I am glad I went- I love getting my hair done but it is bad when getting your hair done takes so much out of you- you struggle with staying awake the rest of the day. Both my husband and my mom made a trip here to help me- which is greatly appreciated.

I had been hoping to have started 21 Day Fix (Beachbody program) this week and instead I am just trying to make it through one a day at a time. It angers and frustrates me to no end that my mind is ready for one thing and my body is like: “Nope..sit your ass down and wait until the doctors have an answer!”

(I am not a patient person)

I am trying to get everything dealt with- the kids go back to school in two and a half weeks. The early mornings (whether I like it or not) will return- a routine will be put back in place…and maybe.. just hopefully….the stars will align and I can finally see some order restored around here.

I feel like I am on my hands and knees crawling toward the start of the school year…

I need the routine. 

I need normalcy. 

Crap….

I need more coffee…

Post Inspired by Today’s Daily Prompt: Trance

Authors Note: Some people may say this particular post is a bit of a downer- and on the negative side. Unlike my other posts- I didn’t incorporate the ‘life lesson’ or ‘much positive’ into the above post as I wrote- I saved it for the summary because the lesson in this post is: Not everything is rainbows and roses and it is okay to express yourself. Sometimes there is this assumption that when we hear or read the inner most thoughts of other people, that the person who is hurting and venting doesn’t realize the positive- or what is good- that we are always lost…. and the people outside of the situation think they need to point it out. 

That is a myth.

A lot of us who are depressed or can be ‘Negative Nelly’ from time to time- do recognize that we need to focus on the positive- it is just that in order to heal- the negative needs to pour out a bit before we can work to find the good.

We don’t always need people to talk to us like we don’t understand the concept of ‘positive thinking’ – We know what it is.

Some of us just process things differently and have to stay within that process in order to heal. Every individual is different. ( I know how I will turn some of these things around- I just didn’t feel like writing it out today.)

Some days (and most days) I will turn lemons into lemonade and others? Like today…. in this moment…I am too mentally exhausted and need to take a break, spare my energy and just ‘Let the negative out…’ 

I’ll get to the positive when I am ready for it.

I’m only human.

Know what I mean?