I have been quiet lately.

I have been so all over the place… The kids went back to school and the new routine has been incredibly hard to adjust to…health hasn’t been great, other ‘things’ that I won’t bore you with…places to go, people to see, house to deal with and all that goes with it…

The bottom line is there is not enough ‘me’ to go around and even if there was- I am a grouch lately.

(Let me know when they figure out this cloning people thing…)

I have been writing- Just focusing a bit more on creative writing then I have with my blogs. I am working on a writing project that I am excited about. I want to share it- but it isn’t even close to ready yet. (Baby steps!) 

In some ways I feel like I haven’t had anything really worthy to write on here… I mean how many posts can one person have about how exhausted and overwhelmed they are?

Even my Book Recommendations sitting in my drafts are uninspired. They are basically “I read this book. Loved it. You should read it. The End.”

(I will jazz them up eventually and publish- I really have read some great books lately…) 

I don’t even know if I am dealing with things properly anymore.

I don’t even feel sad or depressed like I normally do.

Just very moody and fed up.

I commented to someone just last week:

“So this is what ‘Wits End’ feels like?”

Tonight I am inspired to write- and there is a reason for that.

It is the night before my surgery- as of tomorrow- these Setons that have been inside of me since March will be removed and my surgeon will attempt to rid me of this fistula once and for all.

I am excited…nervous…apprehensive…hopeful…

I have been waiting for this moment for a long time.

Since 2004 to be exact. 

For anyone who has no idea what I am talking about- I invite you to read my original blog post “Fifty Shades Of Sterile Packing”  where I bare my soul and share the embarrassing yet frustrating health problem that has plagued me since I gave birth to my oldest daughter. One I have had to live with for well over a decade! (Its a common yet unspoken health problem that I no longer keep quiet about..)

In that post I talk about how I was about to meet with a surgeon who ‘may’ be able to help..

And he DID- very quickly in fact!

Finally I had a surgeon who was willing to help and not scare the living crap out of me!

Actually- Here is my Post Surgery Update from after he was able to place the Seton’s in me: Apparently I was Happy Happy Happy

(Man I could use some of that energy and enthusiasm right now)

Now I am just: “Done…Done…Done…”

I have a lot of confidence in my surgeon and he seems to be fairly positive that my problem will be taken care of and I will heal and be done with these chronic infections once and for all.

I am REALLY trying to hold on to that.

I doubt I will sleep much tonight because as excited as I am to get this over with- there is part of me that is really nervous that this wont work…

And then what?

I am praying hard that this procedure works…and the infections never reoccur. 

I’m trying to keep the faith that everything will be okay and I will heal in the next few weeks and can resume a normal life in the coming months (and years!) – one where I don’t need to panic about taking ill on vacations (let alone ruin said vacations)-maybe I will be able to go back out into the work force without fear- I’m happy to be rid of this open wound- I can’t wait to swim and take bubble baths again (Oh how I miss Bubble Baths…) and ride my bike or sit for long periods of time without my tush hurting me.. I have been incredibly fatigued the past couple of years and honestly…?

Six months of these plastic things in your butt is really frustrating. 

(If you are reading this and going through the Seton process- I will tell you it is unpleasant at first- but you adjust- but it’s still annoying as fuck!- I have tips in my Happy Happy Happy post..) 

In the meantime…

My mom is yet again riding to my rescue to help look after the girls, dog (and me!) while I rest during the next couple of weeks. (The kids are so excited that they made sure I bought pancake mix and syrup…) 

My husband was able to get a couple of days off work and return to Canada so he could be here for me before my mom takes over- He arrived home today.

I have a stack of novels ready to read.

I have avoided Netflix for the past couple of weeks so I have plenty of shows to watch while I heal.

I have art supplies ready to go.

I have my lap top for when I am inspired to write.

I am going to rest- recover and when I am feeling myself again…

Watch Out World!